Another Day of Questioning Whether to Send My Kids to School

Some days I feel completely confident in our homeschool decision.

Other days?

I’m one school enrollment form away from spiraling.

Today was one of those days.

I really do want to continue homeschooling.

Maybe that makes me a little crazy.

Maybe it just makes me a mom trying to do her best during years that feel incredibly important.

Because these early years matter.

They soak up information like tiny little sponges.
They’re learning how to think, how to process, how to ask questions, how to become who they’re going to be.

And I want my kids to grow up to be:

safe, smart, free thinkers.

Please note that first word.

Safe.

I don’t know if it’s past trauma talking.
I don’t know if it’s just being a parent in America right now.

But twice this month I got notifications about school lockdowns.

Not because of weather.
Not because of routine drills.

Because someone made a threat.
Because someone was unhappy.
Because something happened that required immediate lockdown.

And honestly?

The fact that this has become something parents are expected to casually accept feels absolutely unacceptable.

The Push and Pull of This Decision

Here’s where it gets complicated.

My six-year-old wants to go to school.

Almost daily, she tells me she wants friends.
She wants to have a school experience.

And I hear her.

That matters.

I actually enrolled her for next year.

But I also already have her homeschool curriculum sitting here.

Ready.

Because apparently I’m keeping my options open all the way up to the last possible second.

This level of indecision feels very inherited.

My mom would understand exactly this kind of back-and-forth.

And honestly?

It’s driving me nuts.

The Conversation That Wasn’t Helpful

I talked to my spouse about it today.

I was hoping for strong opinions.

A clear direction.

A “here’s what I think we should do.”

Nothing.

No real lean one way or the other.

Which is especially confusing because this man has opinions on literally everything.

I once asked him about putting a sandbox in the backyard for the kids and somehow end up 2 hour Ted Talk discussion that ends with:

“Okay, but if we get sand, we need to buy this specific kind of cinnamon because it repels bugs. Also, we’ll need to test the kids first before we mix any in, just to make sure nobody has allergies… and yes, that includes the neighbor’s kid.”

So the fact that he had almost no opinion on our children’s actual education?

Deeply confusing.

But this?

Nothing.

And if I’m being honest, part of my frustration is that sometimes he feels disconnected from the day-to-day details.

The therapies.
The diagnoses.
The rhythms of our days.
The things the kids are actively working through.

Of course he gets a say.

He’s their dad.

But sometimes I want to say:

If you have thoughts about your children’s education, it would be deeply helpful if your face could communicate that.

The Truth

I don’t know what we’re doing yet.

I wish I had some beautifully wrapped-up answer.

I don’t.

What I do know is this:

This decision isn’t about doing what looks best.

It’s about figuring out what actually serves our kids best right now.

And maybe that answer is school.

Maybe it’s homeschool.

Maybe the hardest part of parenting is realizing that sometimes there isn’t a perfect choice—

just the best decision you can make with the information you have today.

And maybe that has to be enough.